Question by ne-cee5: i believe my girlfriend has lost her mind!!!?
i have a girlfriend that i’m very close to. problem is, over 6 months ago, she started dating someone who wasn’t even 20 yrs old yet. she is 35. this “kid” took the keys from her car, wrecked it, and couldn’t pay a lick to get it fixed. she mortgaged her house to bail him out of jail, and almost lost her home behind “that stupidity”. she has a 8 yr old daughter that she says she loves, but not if she keeps lettin this creep be around her. he has hit her in her breast, where she had surgery 4 cancer on, and has left bruises on other parts of her body. she says that she is in luv w/him, and don’t know wat is wrong w/her. i told her she has “batterd wife syndrome”. she goes to womenspace 4 counseling but seems like it’s not working. while she is at work, she allows him to use her truck, and just the othe day, she found a used condom in the back seat! she is my co-worker also, and i try not to listen, but she keeps coming to let me know her horrid 411! should i shut her down completly?
Best answer:
Answer by catherinexo
one day, just effin snap on her. tell her like it is. tell her you don’t care about her shitty stories and if she didn’t like the fact that he does those things she wouldn’t be with him.
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Ah, she’s in serious denial of what this guy can do to her. and shutting her down completely is possible what you may think you should do but in fact, can make things worse. she won’t have anyone to depend on then. I think that you should call the police on this “guy” before she ends up in the hospital in critical condition and tell her how it is, but don’t leave her out in the cold.
my mom is well shes over 40 with a 24 year stole her car and beats her and flirts with me its patethic he cant hold a job and she keeps taking him back i think its a fear to be alone thats getting to her
Poeple only get treated the way they allow themselves to be treated. She could get herself out of it.
Tell her she is being used and this is her life with him “til death do you part” and if he doesnt like her, maybe he will like her daughter in a few more yrs.Then tell her if she is going to VOLUNTEER to stay in this relationship then shut up you dont want to hear ANYMORE complaining because she knows what he is and she has CHOSEN this life for herself AND her porr little girl. Tell her if she’s THAT desperate for aman then she needs ahead doctor because Id prefer being alone to being treated and used like a disposable sex toy and a sugar momma. This just may shock her into reality and then tell her she CAN do better.Then tell her she needs to think of and love her kid MORE than this sick relationship.
I think you should sit her down and talk to her. Tell her you two are friends and that you want to be there for her but you just cannot and will not sit by and watch her being abused and taken adavantage of. Offer to help her get away from him, call the cops on him, whatever it takes and if she won’t take the necessary steps to break ties with him…. tell her you two can’t talk anymore because she is allowing this to happen to her and you don’t wanna be a part of it anymore
She’s got low self-esteem and she’s looking to this abusive kid to boost her ego, make her feel desired, and is probably co-dependent. Breaking the patterns in her life aren’t going to be easy.
Here’s an abuse support board:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting
She can also call 1-800-977-SAFE and get a referral for another support group.
Domestic Abuse: 9 Things You Can do to Help a Friend in Need
You might think that something as simple as talking to a friend about abuse couldn’t possibly make a difference. But it really can. Just knowing that someone cares enough to ask about the abuse can break through the wall of isolation that can exist around victims of relationship abuse. If you think a friend or loved one is being abused, talk to her about it. Listen to her. Let her know you care. You don’t have to be an expert. You just need to be a friend.
1. Gently ask direct questions about her situation. Give her time to talk. Ask again a few days later. Don’t rush into providing solutions.
2. Listen without judging. Often a battered woman believes her abuser’s negative messages about herself. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid she will be judged by you.
3. Tell her the abuse is not her fault. Explain that physical or emotional abuse in a relationship is never acceptable. There’s no excuse for it — not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, jealousy nor any behavior of hers.
4. Emphasize that when she wants help, it is available. Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse and become more frequent with time and that it rarely goes away on its own.
5. Explain that relationship abuse is a crime and that she can seek protection from the police or courts as well as help from a local domestic violence program. Suggest that she call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE for advice and referrals.
6. Work with her to identify resources to help her take care or herself, get emotional support and build her self-esteem.
7. If she is your neighbor, come up with a way she can signal you if she needs you to call the police, such as turning a porch light on during the day or lowering a particular window shade.
8. If she decides to leave her relationship, she may need money, or a ride to a battered women’s shelter. Thing about ways you might feel comfortable helping her.
9. If you want to talk with someone yourself to get advice about a particular situation, contact a local domestic violence program. Once you have brought the subject up, bring it up again. Try not to get frustrated if you reach out to a friend and she stays with her batterer or goes back to him. Ending any relationship is a process that takes time. Ending a violent relationship is even harder. Usually, the victim fears for her life. She may also want their children to grow up with a father. Perhaps her self-esteem is so damaged that she thinks she can’t make it on her own or she believes her abuser when he tells her the violence is her fault. Or she just wants the violence to end, not the relationship.
Do not shut her down. That would be the worst thing you could do. If you are truly her friend, help. So be a friend and tell her whats wrong. Sit her down, girl to girl talk, and let her know how you feel. You are probably hurt that she gets hurt, so its best if you let your feelings out to her. Help her to get assistance. Do as much as you can. HOWEVER, if you have tried all this, and she still is with him and still receiving his abuses, then you are just going to have to live with it and keep going. There is a limit in what friends can do. It is mainly your girlfriend that has to help herself, but she needs a little help from you! Let me know how it all works out!
Okay. What a.. very horrible story that is! I say you get her a psychologist because she just lost it. Don’t let her ruin her life. There is this guy who is ruining her and how can she fall inlove with him? Is she under a spell or something? Because if she is, you better find a cure now.
Just don’t let her be like this, because it’s a horrible and as her friend, I say you better do something before it’s too late